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astra_nomerInspired by an entry posted by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
capsicumanuum, because my comment there was spiraling out of control.
The winter holidays are fast approaching, and DH and I were discussing gift ideas for our kids. DH suggested an electronics kit. "You know, like the kind where you can build your own simple devices like radios and stuff." And I looked at him and said, "No, I don't know what you're talking about. Those toys were for boys."
Even though I grew up with the firm belief that I could grow up to be whatever I wanted and was better at math and science than 99.9% of the boys, I still managed to internalize a lot of gender stereotyping. I might gaze wistfully at the boys' toys, but I would never let myself play with them. I was reminded forcefully of this when I went to see the Transformers movie this summer. I distinctly remember avidly watching episodes of the TV series, heartily wishing all the while that girls could have cool toys like that, too.
DS1 is in Cub Scouts now, and they had their Raingutter Regatta on Monday. In his pack, siblings are welcome to participate in all activities, and I watched a couple of little girls happily puffing away at the sails of their boats. And again there was that wistful tug at the heart: if only my parents had let me do that, too.
Then again, yesterday I played soccer for my former institution in its semiannual intramural competition. The rule is at least two women on the field per side, because although we women are just as capable scientists are the men, physically we are just not as tall, not as muscular. Having the rule gives us the opportunity to play, because otherwise the teams would consist only of hulking brutes. But there was a definite sense that the normal jostling that takes place on the field was less acceptable if a woman was involved.
My kids are trying to sort out gender differences, too, and it's hard. On one level, I want them to know that gender identity is fluid, and that everyone figures out for herself or himself what it means to be a man or woman. At the same time, they need to understand cultural expectations so that they can successfully navigate through society. DS1 wanted to grow his hair out long, which was fine by me, but eventually he asked to get it cut because everyone called him a girl. DS2 is going through a phase where insists that he's a girl, mostly because he's got a pink backpack and likes wearing barrettes and hairclips. And really, I feel like the ages of 6 and 3, respectively, are too early to bring up the notion of transgenderism, so I've been sticking to the you've-got-a-penis-so-you're-a-boy definition.
So, in the end, DS1 will get both an electronics kit and a dollhouse for the holidays, because I see some of the same wistfulness in his eyes when he plays with toys at other people's houses. I just hope he doesn't mind if I play with his electronics kit, too.
capsicumanuum, because my comment there was spiraling out of control. The winter holidays are fast approaching, and DH and I were discussing gift ideas for our kids. DH suggested an electronics kit. "You know, like the kind where you can build your own simple devices like radios and stuff." And I looked at him and said, "No, I don't know what you're talking about. Those toys were for boys."
Even though I grew up with the firm belief that I could grow up to be whatever I wanted and was better at math and science than 99.9% of the boys, I still managed to internalize a lot of gender stereotyping. I might gaze wistfully at the boys' toys, but I would never let myself play with them. I was reminded forcefully of this when I went to see the Transformers movie this summer. I distinctly remember avidly watching episodes of the TV series, heartily wishing all the while that girls could have cool toys like that, too.
DS1 is in Cub Scouts now, and they had their Raingutter Regatta on Monday. In his pack, siblings are welcome to participate in all activities, and I watched a couple of little girls happily puffing away at the sails of their boats. And again there was that wistful tug at the heart: if only my parents had let me do that, too.
Then again, yesterday I played soccer for my former institution in its semiannual intramural competition. The rule is at least two women on the field per side, because although we women are just as capable scientists are the men, physically we are just not as tall, not as muscular. Having the rule gives us the opportunity to play, because otherwise the teams would consist only of hulking brutes. But there was a definite sense that the normal jostling that takes place on the field was less acceptable if a woman was involved.
My kids are trying to sort out gender differences, too, and it's hard. On one level, I want them to know that gender identity is fluid, and that everyone figures out for herself or himself what it means to be a man or woman. At the same time, they need to understand cultural expectations so that they can successfully navigate through society. DS1 wanted to grow his hair out long, which was fine by me, but eventually he asked to get it cut because everyone called him a girl. DS2 is going through a phase where insists that he's a girl, mostly because he's got a pink backpack and likes wearing barrettes and hairclips. And really, I feel like the ages of 6 and 3, respectively, are too early to bring up the notion of transgenderism, so I've been sticking to the you've-got-a-penis-so-you're-a-boy definition.
So, in the end, DS1 will get both an electronics kit and a dollhouse for the holidays, because I see some of the same wistfulness in his eyes when he plays with toys at other people's houses. I just hope he doesn't mind if I play with his electronics kit, too.
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no subject
Date: 2007-11-28 04:53 pm (UTC)I played primarily with Transformers, Gi Joes & Legos as a kid. There were definitely some My Little Ponies in the mix, but I definitely got to pick out whatever I wanted, regardless of gender.
I'm so thankful that they allowed me to develop my own interests instead of being forced into a certain mold one way or another.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-28 06:31 pm (UTC)No, actually, my parents are pretty steadfast believers in gender roles to this day. I think they are astounded that my husband does the bulk of the housework, and are afraid that he will eventually run out on me because I refused to do my job at home.
Maybe it's good that I ended up with a couple of boys - I can play with their toys when they aren't looking. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-11-28 08:35 pm (UTC)(Other than that, favorite toys growing up included dump trucks and model horses. I never did see growing up any boxes put around me due to gender -- whether they weren't there or I just didn't see them, I don't know. Actually the only place I've noticed them is in my current job, surrounded by normal people.)
no subject
Date: 2007-11-29 01:59 am (UTC)And really, there's nothing like comparing the gifts you get with your brother. When we were teenagers, my uncle gave my brother an electric razor, you know, something that was actually useful. Me? I got eye-shadow. And I wore as much make-up then as I do now.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-29 02:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-29 02:38 am (UTC)