More on gendered toys

[astra_nomer]

Stumbled across this blog, outside the (toy) box, courtesy of Bitch, Ph.D. This entry brings up some of what I was trying to get at in my my previous post about gendered toys, except she writes much better than I do. To wit:

For his first birthday my son got a total of nine vehicles. One toy airplane, two toy fire trucks, a toy globe with a train that goes around and around inside, a tractor, and a few other sundry transit items.

That’s what boys like.

Except he didn’t have a wish list. Nope — I didn’t take him, diaper and all, to do a registry or something. This isn’t what he wanted, this is what others wanted for him.

Big difference.

I remember the year my daughter got 8 babies for Christmas. I loved one in particular, much like the killer radio flyer ride-on fire truck. It isn’t any one item that makes my skin crawl. It’s the bounty — it’s the power of emphasis and omission. Like the kids can’t hear what the toys are saying.

She received a kitchen at 2. He’ll get a train table.

I can't help but think that my kids would be much less obsessed with trains if they didn't get a constant deluge of them from well-meaning relatives. It's a positive feedback loop: they get cool train toys, they play with them, and since they like them so much, they get more. And more. And more.

My hints that DS1 enjoys playing with his baby doll has pretty much fallen on deaf ears. Any toys that they have gotten as gifts are either gender-neutral (I consider LEGOs to be gender neutral) or stereotypically for boys. We did manage to get my old dolls from my parents' house, but any doll accessories, the toy kitchen, the play shopping cart -- those all were bought (or made) by DH and me.

I think the trouble is that while most of our friends are pretty open-minded about gender, our families are not so inclined to think outside the box. It's funny - they'll think it's cute that DS1 likes to pretend to nurse his baby doll, or that DS2 likes to have his hair done up, but it's obvious that they don't want to encourage that sort of behavior.

In closing, I have decided I want this poster.

Comments

[shumashi.livejournal.com]

That is a very pleasing poster.

yes - positive feedback loop!

[(Anonymous)]

Hi - it's me, "mom" from outside the(toy)box

That IS it -- this idea of a feedback loop - that's so useful. And then, as they interact with same sex peers who "love" the same things, it becomes further validated/reinforced. Thanks so much for visiting and linking - I really started the blog because I was feeling semi-alone in all this, but it's clear many many parents struggle with these issues as well.

[lokiect.livejournal.com]

that's pretty cool- I remember at some point as a child realizing that my family was telling me I liked foods and activities I didn't really think much of. I even spent some time trying to figure out if I was responding to these things enthusiastically without noticing and eventually decided my family just decided I liked something and left it at that.

as for the feedback loop aspect, I would point to marcusmarcusrc and cows ;9