More on gendered toys

[astra_nomer]

Stumbled across this blog, outside the (toy) box, courtesy of Bitch, Ph.D. This entry brings up some of what I was trying to get at in my my previous post about gendered toys, except she writes much better than I do. To wit:

For his first birthday my son got a total of nine vehicles. One toy airplane, two toy fire trucks, a toy globe with a train that goes around and around inside, a tractor, and a few other sundry transit items.

That’s what boys like.

Except he didn’t have a wish list. Nope — I didn’t take him, diaper and all, to do a registry or something. This isn’t what he wanted, this is what others wanted for him.

Big difference.

I remember the year my daughter got 8 babies for Christmas. I loved one in particular, much like the killer radio flyer ride-on fire truck. It isn’t any one item that makes my skin crawl. It’s the bounty — it’s the power of emphasis and omission. Like the kids can’t hear what the toys are saying.

She received a kitchen at 2. He’ll get a train table.

I can't help but think that my kids would be much less obsessed with trains if they didn't get a constant deluge of them from well-meaning relatives. It's a positive feedback loop: they get cool train toys, they play with them, and since they like them so much, they get more. And more. And more.

My hints that DS1 enjoys playing with his baby doll has pretty much fallen on deaf ears. Any toys that they have gotten as gifts are either gender-neutral (I consider LEGOs to be gender neutral) or stereotypically for boys. We did manage to get my old dolls from my parents' house, but any doll accessories, the toy kitchen, the play shopping cart -- those all were bought (or made) by DH and me.

I think the trouble is that while most of our friends are pretty open-minded about gender, our families are not so inclined to think outside the box. It's funny - they'll think it's cute that DS1 likes to pretend to nurse his baby doll, or that DS2 likes to have his hair done up, but it's obvious that they don't want to encourage that sort of behavior.

In closing, I have decided I want this poster.

Comments

Re: yes - positive feedback loop!

[capsicumanuum.livejournal.com]

I'm not a parent, but when I buy gifts for my younger cousins, I make sure to fight that feedback loop. For example, I gave my eight year old cousin, who until now has received nothing but dolls and stuffed animals from her parents/grandparents/aunts and uncles a model airplane kit and a book about spaceships. It's now eight months later and she is still excited about airplanes and satellites and has been pestering her parents to get her more books on the subject. Me? I feel a teeny bit self-congratulatory and smug, especially since my mother told me "Oh, just get Mary a doll. She hates anything that's not Barbie." ORLY?